But you would have talked about it — you'd have had a whole conversation when whomever you sent out came back, all while I was sitting here without pants on waiting for you to come back! And you would never have called me, would you? You'd have left me in the dark so that I wouldn't know what was going on.
[ all so that he didn't have to try and convince her to stay. ]
Unless you're placing me under watch, General, I don't need your permission to leave the base.
I've got half a dozen reports that might or might not amount to anything at any given time, I didn't know this one was going to pan out at all until just now, you've got plenty of time to get down here to hear it with me when it gets here.
[ or she could fly off in a huff to sulk for a while, that's also an option, but given that this is text and not a shouting match he's got the restraint to not say so ]
[ she doesn't sulk!!! she runs the damn training course until she can't feel her lungs anymore, because she can't just sit still when she's this angry.
which is exactly where she's headed when the slam of a hangar door echoes through the building. ]
Hear it for yourself. I wouldn't want to get in the way of your tactical expertise on the Final Order.
[ he's so close to telling her that she's being completely ridiculous and leaping to all the wrong conclusions but he eventually settles on something else ]
Fine. Let me know when you want to participate then.
[ this sounds much calmer over text than it really is ]
[ but you won't, all but spat out between them. she kicks a slim, weathered tree trunk and watches with narrow-eyed satisfaction as it splinters and cracks in place. ]
It'd be strange for him to pull rank when it's equal, you know.
[ it's not just that. it's that there's some pleasure in it for rey, when she's in the mood to oblige him, to submit to the order of things. she doesn't often like it, but she trusts poe with that in a way she doesn't share with anyone else. not even finn. ]
[ the mouth of the training loop, where she often leaves her jacket across a tree stump for safe keeping, where finn occasionally sits with a datapad to read while she runs.
it's quiet and private and no one ever really bothers her here, out of fear for interrupting "important jedi business". ]
[ he does know where to find her, it's less of a question of where as far as being invited, because he knows that this is her sanctuary of sorts. he won't barge in on her here, but obviously this time his presence is requested, and of course he'll be there, whatever she's decided that she wants to do with him
his own temper has settled almost as fast as it flared, as he realizes that he's fighting fire with fire again, that he knows better. obviously. they both do and yet they end up here time and time again
but when that fire is directed toward other purposes...
he'll meet her at that stump. he's already almost there ]
[ old habits die hard. fighting with poe is as easy as breathing — much easier than admitting to vulnerabilities, than having to confess the scary truths that dig deep under her ribs. it's so much simpler to snap and bite and hit where it hurts, taking solace in the comfort that she knows poe will never leave her if she does, that he's a safe outlet for all that pain.
but it isn't fair to him to be that outlet, she knows that, and she tries. some days she manages better than others. today, she lost herself a little bit, and now she bears the weight of that guilt like a hot stone lodged in her throat, one that propels her through the course to catch him as he steps into view, moving so fast that she's practically flying until she careens straight into him, hands lifting on instinct alone to fist the lapels of his jacket in a tight hold. ]
I'm sorry, [ blurted out before he can so much as get a word in edgewise, ] I'm sorry, I'm — I was worried, and selfish, and I'm sorry — [ she can barely catch her own breath, but spilling the words out before he can interrupt her seems more pressing than oxygen. ] I just worry you don't need me anymore.
[ which carries with it an equally terrifying thought: i worry you don't want me anymore. ]
[ Just from the change in her tone, Poe suspected that she was coming around to realizing that she was doing that thing again where she takes any perceived ambiguity as space to cram in all of the nagging doubts that plague her at times. But he also realizes that as unreasonable as it may be, he knows she does that, and rather than get sucked into the blow for blow that inevitably follows he can cut to the core of the matter and save them both the argument. his stubborn insistence that he's right can take precedence over reason, neither of them likes to back down.
They always work it out when the dust settles. Faster now, he thinks, that he understands Rey better than he used to. Maybe it's because he spends so much time with her, maybe it's something else. something in the way he feels her presence now like a flicker in his peripheral vision, but whatever the reason, it's rare that either of them stalks off for too long these days.
Yet he wasn't expecting the wave of a guilty conscience that slams into him along with the physical impact of her body, sudden and heavy enough to make him stagger back a step before he's compensating, so she has a chance to blurt out most of her apologies before he's able to bring both of his hands to her face, cupping her jaw in them even as he's shaking his head at her. ]
Rey. [ She's talking over him, breathlessly now. ] Rey.
[ Actually, it's simpler if he just draws her up into an abrupt kiss, all warmth and reassurance, his ruffled nerves having melted away the moment he could hear and feel how distressed she is over the exchange. She doesn't need to apologize. Just recognizing that those fears are irrational is enough. ]
[ sometimes, when she's at her most irrational, being shut up with a kiss only fuels the fire. like having a hand clamped over her mouth or a hissed threat shot in her direction, being kissed into silence can make her dig her heels in harder, break away with vicious outrage that kills any attempt at romance.
now is not one of those times. now, with the blinders of irrational fury set aside, with guilt expelled via blurted apologies, all rey has left is a sorrow that's easily swept away, a sadness that simply melts into unearned forgiveness as he gathers her up in hands much kinder than she deserves. all that there is between them now is the warmth and resilience of choice — that they choose to come back to each other despite all the hard moments, that he chooses to love her despite how horribly she flies off the handle sometimes, that she chooses to stay despite how easy it would be to run.
so he kisses her, and rey lets him. her body goes slack with the relief of it, stunned into stillness for a brief moment until her hands release their grip on his shirt in order to reach up and wrap around his neck, one of them sliding into the hair at the nape of his neck in a cradle that's reserved for the moments when she wants to pull herself as close as she can without sliding under his skin. it's an embrace that's, at first, breathless gratitude, but it doesn't take long for warmth to sneak in, set aside by his early departure this morning and the fact that she has missed him, despite how cruel she'd been.
when they break, when his mouth pulls apart from hers just enough to take in a breath, she's quick to fill the silence (like always) with a few words no one asked for. ]
Be with me, [ a demand and a question both, a familiar set of words now — but they are shorthand for rey's most fervently held insecurities, her most crippling fears. be with me, she asks, because she needs the confirmation: that he'll stay, now and always. ]
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[ all so that he didn't have to try and convince her to stay. ]
Unless you're placing me under watch, General, I don't need your permission to leave the base.
[ :|||||||| ]
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I've got half a dozen reports that might or might not amount to anything at any given time, I didn't know this one was going to pan out at all until just now, you've got plenty of time to get down here to hear it with me when it gets here.
[ or she could fly off in a huff to sulk for a while, that's also an option, but given that this is text and not a shouting match he's got the restraint to not say so ]
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which is exactly where she's headed when the slam of a hangar door echoes through the building. ]
Hear it for yourself. I wouldn't want to get in the way of your tactical expertise on the Final Order.
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Fine. Let me know when you want to participate then.
[ this sounds much calmer over text than it really is ]
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[ but you won't, all but spat out between them. she kicks a slim, weathered tree trunk and watches with narrow-eyed satisfaction as it splinters and cracks in place. ]
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I wouldn't have brought it up if I didn't.
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You could stand to act like it.
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Should I send a formal invitation next time?
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If it would please you, General.
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It would please me if you would join me so I don't have to repeat all of this to you later.
[ don't you general him in that tone, skywalker ]
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And if I don't?
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general poe has decided not to ]
Then I'll wait for you.
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You might be waiting a while, General. I don't want to keep you.
[ she does know he has other things to do. but she's thawing, somewhat. ]
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don't ask him how he knows. he just does ]
I will if I have to. I need you here.
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[ she's coming, she's coming. ]
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[ there might even be an apology in here somewhere?? ]
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[ nobody better say that to him in her tone or there might be a fight ]
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[ if anyone else is thinking it they don't dare tell him so, also he's not that stupid come on ]
And even Finn doesn't call me General in that tone.
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[ it's not just that. it's that there's some pleasure in it for rey, when she's in the mood to oblige him, to submit to the order of things. she doesn't often like it, but she trusts poe with that in a way she doesn't share with anyone else. not even finn. ]
Meet me outside?
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[ everything is different with rey ]
Alright. Anywhere 'outside' in particular?
[ he's already out past the hanger bay ]
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[ the mouth of the training loop, where she often leaves her jacket across a tree stump for safe keeping, where finn occasionally sits with a datapad to read while she runs.
it's quiet and private and no one ever really bothers her here, out of fear for interrupting "important jedi business". ]
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[ he does know where to find her, it's less of a question of where as far as being invited, because he knows that this is her sanctuary of sorts. he won't barge in on her here, but obviously this time his presence is requested, and of course he'll be there, whatever she's decided that she wants to do with him
his own temper has settled almost as fast as it flared, as he realizes that he's fighting fire with fire again, that he knows better. obviously. they both do and yet they end up here time and time again
but when that fire is directed toward other purposes...
he'll meet her at that stump. he's already almost there ]
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but it isn't fair to him to be that outlet, she knows that, and she tries. some days she manages better than others. today, she lost herself a little bit, and now she bears the weight of that guilt like a hot stone lodged in her throat, one that propels her through the course to catch him as he steps into view, moving so fast that she's practically flying until she careens straight into him, hands lifting on instinct alone to fist the lapels of his jacket in a tight hold. ]
I'm sorry, [ blurted out before he can so much as get a word in edgewise, ] I'm sorry, I'm — I was worried, and selfish, and I'm sorry — [ she can barely catch her own breath, but spilling the words out before he can interrupt her seems more pressing than oxygen. ] I just worry you don't need me anymore.
[ which carries with it an equally terrifying thought: i worry you don't want me anymore. ]
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They always work it out when the dust settles. Faster now, he thinks, that he understands Rey better than he used to. Maybe it's because he spends so much time with her, maybe it's something else. something in the way he feels her presence now like a flicker in his peripheral vision, but whatever the reason, it's rare that either of them stalks off for too long these days.
Yet he wasn't expecting the wave of a guilty conscience that slams into him along with the physical impact of her body, sudden and heavy enough to make him stagger back a step before he's compensating, so she has a chance to blurt out most of her apologies before he's able to bring both of his hands to her face, cupping her jaw in them even as he's shaking his head at her. ]
Rey. [ She's talking over him, breathlessly now. ] Rey.
[ Actually, it's simpler if he just draws her up into an abrupt kiss, all warmth and reassurance, his ruffled nerves having melted away the moment he could hear and feel how distressed she is over the exchange. She doesn't need to apologize. Just recognizing that those fears are irrational is enough. ]
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now is not one of those times. now, with the blinders of irrational fury set aside, with guilt expelled via blurted apologies, all rey has left is a sorrow that's easily swept away, a sadness that simply melts into unearned forgiveness as he gathers her up in hands much kinder than she deserves. all that there is between them now is the warmth and resilience of choice — that they choose to come back to each other despite all the hard moments, that he chooses to love her despite how horribly she flies off the handle sometimes, that she chooses to stay despite how easy it would be to run.
so he kisses her, and rey lets him. her body goes slack with the relief of it, stunned into stillness for a brief moment until her hands release their grip on his shirt in order to reach up and wrap around his neck, one of them sliding into the hair at the nape of his neck in a cradle that's reserved for the moments when she wants to pull herself as close as she can without sliding under his skin. it's an embrace that's, at first, breathless gratitude, but it doesn't take long for warmth to sneak in, set aside by his early departure this morning and the fact that she has missed him, despite how cruel she'd been.
when they break, when his mouth pulls apart from hers just enough to take in a breath, she's quick to fill the silence (like always) with a few words no one asked for. ]
Be with me, [ a demand and a question both, a familiar set of words now — but they are shorthand for rey's most fervently held insecurities, her most crippling fears. be with me, she asks, because she needs the confirmation: that he'll stay, now and always. ]
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